


Unintentionally

by AiShi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, But it's difficult when you have to give details like this, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, i don't want to spoil anything, sorry (not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:44:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiShi/pseuds/AiShi
Summary: After a horrible car crash, Levi was left in the hospital looking for his lover, yet stuck with a family reluctant to give out details.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy. I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
> 
> This is my first story (that I actually managed to gain the courage to post) on Ao3 and my first time using this ship and characters.

Everything was white.

 

The ceiling, the walls, the sheets… blank. Even my mind was blank. I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening, or if I was even awake at all.

 

Voices soon filled the air and through hazy eyes, I could make out people in white crowding around me; fussing all over. Or at least that’s what my mind could comprehend at the moment. Their voices were gradually getting louder, audible, as I start to get a better grasp with my own consciousness.

 

"His vital signs are stable."

 

"Do a double check on his heart rate."

 

Undecipherable murmurs follow in-between sentences.

 

I could even start to make out the sound of a beeping monitor now.

 

A few more blinks and things started to grow clear for my vision.

 

"Levi, how are you feeling?"

 

My gaze shifted to the source of the voice and was immediately greeted by stunning emerald eyes. They seemed to be the only source of color in this otherwise colorless room I found myself in. A male nurse with a brown nest for a hair was regarding me closely. Too closely. As much as my frazzled mind could process at the moment, I was sure I’ve barely been into hospitals, and mostly just for check-ups and nothing more. So I couldn’t really tell if this proximity was normal.

 

"Fine," My voice came out as a soft whisper even I could barely hear.

 

His face was still dominated by concern. I had to tear my gaze away if only to get some sense of distance away from those intense green eyes of his.

 

"I’m fine. I feel like shit, but fine. I guess." I attempted to speak a bit more loudly this time.

 

He regarded me for another moment before letting out a gentle smile and scribbling something on his notes. The people in white soon made their exit, leaving me alone with my family whose profiles were in a battle between worry and relief.

 

"Levi, dear. Don’t strain yourself too much." My mom was instantly at my side as I groggily attempted to sit straight on bed.

 

"It’s okay, mom." My voice was still weak, but at least words were coming out more clearly now. "What happened?"

 

They took their time sharing glances at each other before my younger sister, Mikasa, answered the question.

 

"You got into a horrible car crash and were in a coma for a couple of weeks now."

 

_A car crash? And I’ve been in a coma for weeks?_

 

"Oi, Levi. Do you remember what happened?"

 

Kenny, my uncle, must’ve noticed I was trying to recollect my memory. But I could only wash my face with pale, cold palms and shake my head.

 

"It’s okay, dear. Just don’t strain yourself and get back to rest. You’ve had us worrying for a long time now." Mom reminded, giving me a gentle, supportive pat on my leg.

 

With a defeated sigh, I raised my head back up to take a good look at all three of them, until I was reminded of something.

 

"Where’s Erwin?"

 

Surprise was evident on their faces.

 

"Why’re you looking for him?" Mikasa cautiously asked.

 

"Why would I not be looking for him?" I countered. I must’ve reflected their confusion on my own face by now.

 

They only exchanged glances at each other again.

 

* * *

 

 

I was advised to stay in the hospital for another month for close monitoring of my injuries and whatever. During the last few days, the same nurse kept coming back to check up on me.

 

It made me wonder if ever I am a natural favorite among nurses. Not that I believe I have any sort of charisma. The total opposite actually: King of Stoics, and all. However, having involved in far too many game of fists back in junior high and high school days, I could still vaguely remember, to my irritation, school nurses somehow doting on me.

On most cases, the said nurse would attempt a small conversation. Sometimes I’d humor him, other times I’d fake being tired and wanting to rest.

 

However, most of the time, I would wonder why Erwin hadn't visited me yet.

 

_Did something happen between us before the accident?_

 

_Did we fight?_

 

_Was he with me when it happened?_

 

_Why can't I remember anything?_

 

My family would tell me they're trying to contact him whenever I'd inquire about him. But I noticed that they would always seem to be unsettled whenever I bring up his name. Even the nurse who takes care of me would be quiet all of a sudden.

 

There's definitely something wrong going on. Though I'm not sure if I wanted to know what it is.

 

* * *

 

 

Another couple of days had passed and I haven't heard a single word from Erwin. His absence both disturbed and pained me that I had to ask what exactly was going on. Had he been with me during the accident, I would never forgive myself.

 

My mother and sister couldn't bring themselves to tell me; but they knew they had to.

 

"Levi, you know, the doctor said you're suffering from a temporary memory loss because of the accident." Mom started cautiously.

 

"No shit. Isn't that exactly why I'm asking what happened?" I spat mindlessly.

 

"Levi!" Mikasa reprimanded with disbelief. Mikasa was as expressive as I am. That is to say, not much, unless provoked successfully.

 

"Tell me then, why won't you bring Erwin here? If he was with me during the accident... if something had happened to him... just... just fucking tell me and get it over with!"

 

"You wanna know the truth?" Mikasa suddenly seethed, for reasons I barely have an idea about.

 

"Mikasa, don’t." Mom tried to intervene. But Mikasa was having none of it.

 

"Then, here it is: Your relationship with Erwin had ended years ago. We're just buying time so you could get your memories back before you do anything foolish."

 

That rendered me speechless. I couldn’t comprehend what she had just said. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t even possible. There was no way Erwin and I...

 

"Levi, listen. The one you're..."

 

"No, I'm not listening." I cut her off.

 

I refuse to believe what she had just said.

 

"I'm not gonna believe that bullshit. I want to see Erwin." I demanded stubbornly. They were just staring at me with emotions I refuse to even acknowledge.

 

"Bring Erwin here. Please. I want to see him again.” I resorted to pleading helplessly instead.

 

* * *

 

More days had passed, and I still didn't see any sign of him. I've already made mental plans on things I'd do once I'm out of here. If he won't come here, I'd go to him. I just had to know if he's fine, whatever it takes.

 

There was a knock on the door and once again, the nurse came in to check on me. I've been completely ignoring him since the confrontation with my sister.

 

It was completely illogical, but somehow, in a mix of stubbornness and irrationality, I've put the blame on him. All my mind could discern was that Erwin should be the one taking care of me, not him.

 

"Your mom told me you haven't been eating well." He attempted to start another one of those small talks I’ve progressively grown to be irritated of.

 

"Well, look what I brought." He showed me an apple, to which, I only stared blankly at.

 

"This may keep the doctor away, but no one mentioned about the nurse." He giggled at his own humor.

 

I would’ve rolled my eyes, but decided I wouldn’t offer him even that kind of acknowledgment. So I just continued to stare (more like glare) at him. His smile faltered for a moment but quickly recovered and cleared his throat.

 

"Would you like me to peel it for you?" He offered with a sickeningly sweet smile.

 

I laid back down and pulled my blanket over my head as a response.

 

Yes, it was immature.

 

Yes, it was rude.

 

But my need for Erwin was starting to get desperate.

 

* * *

 

 

Several more days had passed and finally... FINALLY... Erwin came to visit me. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I knocked over the spoon the nurse was trying to feed to me. I almost jumped out of bed had the nurse not stopped me from doing so.

 

"Erwin! Erwin!" was all I could say as I buried my head on his stomach while holding him tight.

 

I could cry with joy at the sight of him. I don’t even give two shits if anyone sees.

 

"Levi, you really don't remember anything, don't you?"

 

Those were his words of greeting, apparently.

 

I really had a bad feeling he was going to confirm what my sister had said.

 

"It wasn't true, right? You didn't leave me, right? You would never leave me." I didn't retract my head nor hold from him.

 

I didn't want to look at him straight in the eyes only to hear words I've been dreading for.

 

But that's exactly what happened.

 

"Come on, Levi. Once you get your memories back, I'm sure we could just laugh this off. You'll come to understand this eventually." He tried to comfort me. But I didn't want to listen anymore.

 

"No. Erwin, please. I love you so much. Please don't do this to me. Please tell me that's not true. Please, Erwin. You're the only one I love." I was already in a mess of tears.

 

But that didn't change the pace of things.

 

* * *

 

In the next days, I was completely lost. I barely touched my food nor talked to anyone. The doctor warned me my health might decline again if I would continue this act. But I didn't care anymore.

 

Hospitals were meant for healing and recovery. So I'll stay here until all this pain ceases.

 

The nurse continued to care for me diligently until I was eventually discharged.

 

"Thank you for everything. Bye."

 

Those were the last words I said to him.

 

* * *

 

It's been years already, and here I am in a church for a wedding, with the nurse who had cared for me the last time I was admitted in a hospital.

 

He looked practically stunning in his pristine white suit that I was sure both men and women wouldn’t be able to take their eyes off of him even if they tried. This white-themed wedding made me remember the first time I woke up in that hospital, seeing him in those white scrubs.

 

Even I couldn't tear my eyes off him.

 

However, it was only a couple months prior when I got all my memories back. It was true that I've broken up with Erwin years before I got into the accident. He was already with someone new right then, and so was I. I felt so stupid – beyond stupid – remembering my actions at that hospital.

 

Fragments of memories built up like puzzle pieces over time.

 

How I first met my new boyfriend who had helped me move on from Erwin. Those stunning emeralds he has for eyes that I swore sparkled everytime he’s happy. Those blissful moments we had spent together. The accident. How he unfailingly cared for me while I struggled to recover. How I treated him after my sister _almost_ managed to tell me that he was my boyfriend and not Erwin anymore. How I would be stubborn and rude whenever he would try to feed me or talk to me. How I pretended not to notice he was secretly crying whenever I would pull my blanket over my head and push him away. He was fixing me up as I was tearing him down.

 

It was now the time to say the marriage vows.

 

_How could I have forgotten? Why did I forget about him?_

 

_Of all things._

 

_Of all people._

 

_Why him?_

 

"You may now seal your vows with a kiss.”

 

And so...

 

I helplessly watched as he now kissed his new husband.

 

* * *

 

 

Right now, I could only wish that in my next accident, all my memories and feelings for a certain green eyed boy with wild, brown hair would be wiped away... permanently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Soooooo... I don't know how to tag without spoiling so much of the story. It's a short read anyway, so it wouldn't matter, right? Right?)
> 
> I've made this story years ago with original characters and all. Numerous times I've entertained the idea of actually extending the story into a chapter-by-chapter type, but never really followed through in the end. (Maybe I should?)
> 
> PS.
> 
> Eren's husband in the end is up to the readers to decide. Jean was the first one to pop into my mind, tbh. But I figured it'd be better to leave the guy nameless to cater to the reader's preferences and all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Who said there needed to be an Eren POV for this story?
> 
> Well, no one asked for this story in the first place so, what the hell?)
> 
> I've spent the last couple hours writing this down and didn't even bother checking it for corrections (if I did I might not be able to post anything at all).
> 
> I've also just used my phone to upload another chapter soooo... despite my OC tendencies, I'm just throwing it all out there.

_**Eren’s POV** _

 

It was just another day at the hospital for me. Or at least it would’ve been had not the doors suddenly burst open and a couple of paramedics hastily wheeled in a bloody patient.

 

Still, it would have been considered “normal” in a hospital setting.

 

It would have.

 

If not for the fact that I recognized the raven-haired man lying unconsciously with blood staining everywhere my eyes landed.

 

Without even having to think about it, I jumped into action and fell in step beside the paramedics before they got into the emergency room.

 

“What happened?” I demanded with clear urgency.

 

“Car crash,” was one of the paramedics clipped answer before we were interrupted by a couple of doctors instructing everyone what to do.

 

However, it seems that those two words were enough to render me stunned with shock as the realization dawned in. This was him, right? This was Levi? Levi got into an accident? A car crash? It wasn’t possible. He was the most careful man I’ve known.

 

I didn’t even realize I was just standing there helplessly while the room was already bustling and fussing over the barely breathing patient. I should help. Levi was in danger. He needed help. But my feet continued to be glued on the floor and my hands won’t stop jittering.

 

“Eren, maybe you should step out on this one.” It was my father. I didn’t even realize my dad was one of the doctors who responded to the emergency.

 

I wanted to help. I really did. I wanted to be there for Levi. To be one of the people who would pull him out of oblivion. But I also knew I would fuck up more than help at this point. I don’t doubt in the least that I would freak out in every step of the way. So I just nodded numbly and willed my feet to get out of the way, and to simply pray (beg) for the best.

 

* * *

 

I walked in on Levi’s room to check up on him. Again. I couldn’t calmly get through an hour without seeing him. He was still lying unconscious on bed, accompanied by his mother who was gripping his hand, and his sister who watched him intently, as if she was willing him to wake up just by her gaze alone.

 

I don’t blame her. I’ve done just that on more than one occasion by now.

 

Their gaze turned to me as they heard me approach. I could only smile gently, knowing full well how they must be feeling. I checked his vitals as I have done so just an hour ago. Everything was stable.

 

“Is he gonna be okay?” Kuchel, Levi’s mom, asked; her voice barely above a whisper that I would’ve missed if the room wasn’t completely silent (save for the beeping monitor and the dull sounds of machines that could barely be heard).

 

“He will be. I know firsthand how much of a fighter Levi is. Literally and figuratively.” I smiled genuinely, remembering all those stories about Levi’s youth, and seeing for myself how he roughed up a guy twice his size after he groped my ass.

 

The darkened features on Kuchel’s face seemed to lighten at those words, as if she might have also remembered the kind of man she had raised on her own.

 

“His stubbornness would really come in handy right now.” Mikasa mumbled beside me. I know her as much as I know her brother. We’ve been friends way before I even dated Levi. And though she may not show it, I know just how worried she is over the state of her brother.

 

“He’ll be fine, Mika. I’m sure he can’t wait to wake up and annoy you again.” I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. She just snorted and lifted her scarf up to cover half of her face, though not without me noticing the tiniest smile on her lips.

 

* * *

 

In a split-second after hearing about the alarm coming from Levi’s room, I was already rushing with a clipboard at hand, joining the other doctors and nurses responding to the alarm as well.

 

“He’s waking up,” were the first words Kuchel said the moment the door opened.

 

I turned to see Levi slowly stirring and blinking awake. Everyone surrounded him in an instant, checking his vitals and making sure nothing was wrong. With racing heartbeat that could be argued I needed more medical attention than the patient at the moment, I rushed to his side to join with all the fussing.

 

“Levi, how are you feeling?” He turned his gaze towards me and I would’ve cried at the relief of seeing him with his eyes open again. It was difficult to resist kissing him on the spot.

 

“Fine,” he whispered absently. He always does this; saying he’s fine even though he’s not. I’ve learned to read him well after being together for so long.

 

But what got me to bite back my thoughts was the fact that he turned his gaze away before responding a bit more loudly.

 

The shuffling beside me reminded me of why I was here. And seeing that Levi is his usual stubborn self, I couldn’t help smiling before actually doing the job I still had to do. I joined the others in giving the family their own personal space. Though not without sparing another glance back to the raven-haired man who still seemed to be confused about everything that’s happening.

 

As much as I am confused with what just happened.

 

The moment he looked into my eyes, it was like he was looking at me for the first time.

 

There was no sort of recognition.

 

* * *

 

One day, I traced my steps towards Levi’s room to make my more-than-regular rounds of checking up with the patient. I wasn’t expecting to see my dad outside the room conversing with Kuchel and Mikasa. Though it really shouldn’t be entirely unexpected as well.

 

“Is something wrong?” I asked as I cautiously approached. They all turned to me with Kuchel and Mikasa’s faces filled with hesitation and concern, and I immediately knew I wouldn’t like what I would hear.

 

“Levi seems to have some mild amnesia from the accident. We still don’t know when he would recover his memories – if he would recover his memories. But only time and constant supervision could tell.” Dad initiated.

 

“I see. He must have hit his head pretty hard then,” I tried to make light of the conversation despite the sinking feeling in my gut. “Though it should be normal for some patients to not remember the accident they underwent, right?”

 

There was a beat of silence and hesitation.

 

“Yes, but that doesn’t seem to be all the case here.” Dad hesitantly added.

 

I gave them all a look which I hoped would be enough to make them spill out the answers without me having to ask questions I don’t even know how to put into words.

 

Mikasa was the first to cave. “Levi was looking for Erwin. He doesn’t seem to remember anything about you.”

 

Well, if that didn’t hurt like a bitch.

 

* * *

 

A few more visits to Levi confirmed that he, indeed, doesn’t remember me at all. Which led me to wonder… why?

 

Though I don’t understand it myself, I asked for Levi’s family not to purposely remind him of me. I don’t really know why I asked for it. I just wanted to let him remember me on his own.

 

I guess that’s because it gives me an illusion that what we have was so special it should be terribly difficult to forget.

 

But it also makes me wonder whether it was as special as it had been with him and Erwin. Because why does he remember him and not me?

 

I shouldn’t be jealous of a past long since over. But somehow, I was. And that jealousy turned into pride that prevented me from just telling Levi the truth. The irrational part in my head told me it would look desperate and pathetic. He remembers Erwin, and he doesn’t even have to show his face to do it. So the stubborn part of me (which was always argued to be worse than Levi’s) refuses to lose to that.

 

Levi would remember me on his own.

 

Until then, I just have to be constantly by his side like how I always have been.

 

* * *

 

I stopped just outside the door when I heard the voices coming from inside the room.

 

"Levi!" There’s no doubt that was Mikasa. She rarely raised her voice, and even more so to her brother. So hearing that was enough let me know something really wrong was happening.

 

"Tell me then, why won't you bring Erwin here? If he was with me during the accident... if something had happened to him... just... just fucking tell me and get it over with!"

 

So he’s looking for Erwin again, huh?

 

That hurt.

 

"You wanna know the truth?" I could hear the irritation in Mika’s voice. My heart was hammering in my chest at the possibility that she would tell Levi.

 

"Mikasa, don’t."

 

_Don’t do it, Mikasa. Do it, Mikasa._

 

I don’t know which one I wanted more.

 

"Then, here it is: Your relationship with Erwin had ended years ago. We're just buying time so you could get your memories back before you do anything foolish."

 

Silence followed after Mika’s outburst.

 

"Levi, listen. The one you're..."

 

"No, I'm not listening." I involuntarily flinched at the sound of Levi’s voice.

 

"I'm not gonna believe that bullshit. I want to see Erwin."

 

I could feel my heart wringing at the request.

 

"Bring Erwin here. Please. I want to see him again.”

 

And then, it broke.

 

* * *

 

I kept telling myself that Levi would eventually remember me. That he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying. He’s just recovering. I know he loves me.

 

So I didn’t cease on my regular visits to his room. No matter how grumpy or borderline hostile he gets, especially after the fight with his sister, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to see him everyday.

 

And there he was, glaring at me like I was the source of all his problems. Again.

 

I would’ve found it adorable if it didn’t hurt.

 

"Your mom told me you haven't been eating well." I started, smiling softly. "Well, look what I brought."

 

I brought an apple. To which, he just stared blankly at.

 

"This may keep the doctor away, but no one mentioned about the nurse." I couldn’t help but giggle. Before, he never fails to tell me how much my jokes suck, but I knew he enjoyed them nonetheless.

 

Though this time, there was hardly a reaction. Not even a scoff or something. Just those sharp eyes looking at me without a hint of recognition.

 

"Would you like me to peel it for you?" I offered instead, trying to act like it didn’t bother me.

 

He just laid back down and pulled his blanket over his head.

 

I continued to sit down beside his bed, peeling the apple while talking absently. I didn’t even know what I was talking about or if it even made any sense. I didn’t even notice how the knife has grazed my finger and the blood slowly spilling from it.

 

I didn’t even notice the dampness of my cheeks and the tears streaming down my eyes.

 

* * *

 

That night, I took it upon myself to contact Erwin and tell him what happened.

 

* * *

 

I was trying to feed Levi one day as he continued to glare at me. He was terribly stubborn, but I’ll be damned if I don’t see him eat well under my watch.

 

A knock and the sound of the door opening and Levi was practically jumping from the bed, knocking over the spoon I was holding. It was a relief that my arm automatically flew up to prevent him from toppling over the bed.

 

But my heart sank the longer I see Levi clutching Erwin desperately.

 

I watched the scene unfold before me and felt my chest slowly getting numb as the seconds tick by. I couldn’t help wondering if Levi would ever treat me that way had the roles been reversed or if that was a privilege only Erwin would get.

 

I stared and watched despite my head floating and my heart sinking.

 

"No. Erwin, please. I love you so much. Please don't do this to me. Please tell me that's not true. Please, Erwin. You're the only one I love."

 

The sight of Levi’s tears only made things worse.

 

* * *

 

Turns out, not even personally witnessing the events of Erwin’s visit was enough to stop me from taking care of Levi. Somehow, I was glad that Erwin didn’t take advantage of the situation and was honest of having moved on.

 

I guess I was dreading that he would once again take Levi as his, and somehow start all over again. I was really glad he didn’t. But seeing Levi barely touching his food made me wonder if perhaps that was for the better.

 

Though he wasn’t explicitly told about the truth, I was seriously starting to doubt whether that would do any good either way. As it is, no matter what I do, Levi doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me.

 

I know he doesn’t have his memories, but does he really have to treat me this way?

 

Despite that, I refused to stop caring for him. I wanted to be the one who helps him recover in this, just like how I’ve helped him recover in the past. His breakup with Erwin left him in such a mess, I didn’t even know how I managed to worm my way under his skin.

 

I’ll continue to care for him while he’s admitted in this hospital. Beyond that, only time will tell.

 

And on the last day, I was internally pleading he would somehow – even for just a bit – recognize me as someone he once loved.

 

As someone he still loves.

 

"Thank you for everything. Bye."

 

But those were the last words he said to me.

 

* * *

 

Months passed (maybe even a year, I lost count), and I’ve met someone new. We didn’t hit it off right away and were bickering every now and then. Just like I had been with Levi.

 

But he was persistent. And though I’ve told him to piss off countless times, he would always come back to annoy me. Just like Levi.

 

I didn’t even know when it started, but we found ourselves hanging out and actually enjoying each other’s company. He was stubborn and could be a prick at times, but he would always try to make up with me in his own way. Just like Levi.

 

But looking at him right now, clad in a white suit that matched mine, I knew this wasn’t Levi, the person I once loved.

 

"You may now seal your vows with a kiss.”

 

After the kiss, I grinned widely at the crowd celebrating our marriage… only to falter when my sight landed on the familiar face with tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

There was Levi, the person I still love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be lying if I said this didn't hurt my heart in the slightest.


End file.
